School soccer’s Backside 10 is again — and as unhealthy as ever


[Editor’s note: The 2021 college football season is upon us and it’s bringing the Bottom 10 with it, featuring a slew of old favorites like Kansas and UTEP, along with a Power 5 cameo from the entire Big 12.]

Inspirational thought(s) of the week:

Is that this the way in which to regular?
Present me the way in which to regular
Present me the way in which to regular
Present me the way in which to regular
Is that this the way in which to regular?

— “Technique to Regular” Ben Folds 5

“My darling woman, when are you going to comprehend that being regular is just not essentially a advantage. It relatively denotes an absence of braveness?”

— Aunt Frances, “Sensible Magic”

Right here at Backside 10 Headquarters, situated behind the Tim Tebow Jags merch clearance rack on the Ponte Vedra Ollie’s, we spent a lot of the offseason like so many others on the market, pondering the true which means of the phrase “regular.” We continually hear it right now within the context of “getting again to regular” and “welcome to the brand new regular” and “Why did I simply watch the film ‘Paranormal Exercise 3’?”

This can be a faculty soccer world the place North Texas, with a shedding report, performs in a bowl sport on teal turf, the place unexpected cancellations make Rice vs. Center Tennessee important prime-time tv viewing, and the place guys named Kool-Assist are signing NIL offers with Kool-Assist to actually drink the Kool-Assist.

We at all times have and can name the entire above very a lot “regular.” For us, there’s nothing to get again to and there is definitely nothing new about it. We see all of it as one of many few optimistic byproducts of getting skilled the 2020 faculty soccer season amid a pandemic, that so lots of you lastly found the great thing about what we name “regular” right here within the Backside 10 Multiverse. Or Lawrence, Kansas.

With apologies to Norman Reedus, Norman Bates, ParaNorman and Steve Harvey, listed here are 2021’s preseason Backside 10 rankings.

1. Kansas Nayhawks (2020 report: 0-9)

Final fall, KU did not win a sport. Final winter, it fired the pinnacle coach and athletic director amid an embarrassing scandal. Over the summer time, the Nayhawks came upon their convention is on life assist. Aside from that, although, good occasions.

2. Whew Mexico State (2021 report: 1-1)

The Different Aggies had been one in all solely three FBS applications that did not play a sport in 2020, however they had been additionally the one FBS staff to play video games in spring 2021, with contests in opposition to Division II Tarleton State and a still-new FCS program, Dixie State. They misplaced to Tarleton 43-17 and needed to rating 16 factors within the fourth quarter to beat Dixie State by a landing. They’ll open and shut their autumn schedule in opposition to a pair of fellow preseason Backside 10 opponents, with a kickoff go to from UTEPID and a Thanksgiving weekend journey to …

3. UMess (2020: 0-4)

The Minutemen misplaced their 4 2020 video games by a mixed rating of 161-12, however nonetheless loved rubbing the noses of their archrival Huskies with the truth that they really performed video games (type of) whereas these guys didn’t …

4. U-Cannot (2020: 0-0)

The Randy Edsall Attraction Faculty will journey to UMess on Oct. 9 for the second half of what’s prone to be a two-week Backside 10 doubleheader, as that sport follows a visit to Van-duh-bilt, which completed its 2020 all-SEC slate with a slate of all-SEC losses.



Mike Greenberg reacts to Texas and Oklahoma asserting they will not renew their Massive 12 media rights.

5. The Massive Eight

The season’s first Coveted Fifth Spot goes to a convention that’s now almost all the way down to a Coveted 5 Groups, aka the remaining members of the alliance that’s titled the Massive 12 however was really a Massive 10 (however not the Massive Ten) even when everybody was questioning once they would inevitably increase to 12 and even 16 groups. However it by no means did any of that, so now it has turn out to be the faculty soccer model of that mall close to your own home that was once an enormous deal within the ’90s, however then Sears went below and JC Penney left. Now it is all the way down to a Chess King, that boutique the place your mother buys her Vera Bradley patterns and a bizarre meals court docket anchored by a McDowell’s.

6. ULM (pronounced “uhlm”) (2020: 0-10)

Ulm, y’all aren’t going to consider this, however, ulm, the brand new head coach of the Warhawks is Terry Bowden, who, ulm, used to educate Auburn and, ulm, his offensive coordinator is, ulm, Wealthy Rodriguez, who, ulm, turned down the Alabama job in 2006, opening the door for Nick Saban. And now, ulm, they may each probably be sure that the ULM staff bus by no means drives by means of the Yellowhammer State, in order to, ulm, maintain them each from demanding the motive force take them straight to the closest therapist.

7. Boiling Inexperienced in Northern Illinois by the use of Akron (2020: 0-5/0-6/1-5)

Talking of Terry Bowden, the place the place he was most just lately a head coach, Akron, leads a three-headed MACtion monster that mixed to win one sport in 2020, and that lone victory was by the Zips over Boiling Inexperienced. This season this trio will take part in an October semi-round-robin match of ache, when Akron travels to Bowling Inexperienced Week 5, adopted by a Bowling Inexperienced journey to Northern Illinois seven days later. Sources inform the Backside 10 JortsCenter information desk that the MAC has already licensed “Yakety Sax” to be performed nonstop over the general public handle system throughout each video games.

8. FI(notA)U (2020: 0-5)

In 2020 the Fightin’ Butches posted an official report of 0-5, however we desire to checklist it as 0-5-2-4 as a result of they misplaced 5 video games, had two cancellations, then had one other 4 video games which are formally listed as “postponed” as a result of they weren’t performed however they had been by no means formally canceled. So, does that imply the Panthers might simply present up on the stadium of a type of postponed opponents at any time sooner or later and demand the sport be performed, like my nephew who nonetheless has 3,000 unused Chuck E. Cheese tickets from 2015 and retains threatening to point out up unannounced on the prize counter like six years from now?

9. Outdated Duh-Minions (2020: 0-0)

Since coach Ricky Rahne left Penn State to turn out to be King of the 1-11 Monarchs on the finish of 2019, the staff has had two spring practices, a ton of fall intrasquad scrimmages and 0 precise video games performed. “We have gone by means of a extremely huge adversity,” Rahne mentioned this spring. “We simply have not gone by means of the fun of wins and ache of losses but.” Their finest probability to do the previous as an alternative of the latter will come on Oct. 2 once they make a journey to …

10. UTEPID (2020: 0-5)

I’ve a good friend who’s a math professor, and he referred to as me angrily demanding to know precisely who in faculty soccer got here up with the time period “Week Zero” and began shouting a bunch of numeric mumbo jumbo about how there cannot be a Week 0 as a result of Week 1 is Week 1 as a result of it is the primary week. Then I mentioned, “However dude, that is additionally the weekend that UTEP travels to New Mexico State.” He paused, mentioned, “Nicely rattling, that math does try” and hung up on me.

Ready checklist: unLv, Vanderbilt Commode Doorways, Sibericuse, Duke Blew Devils, Temple Bowels, Unwell-ugh-noise, US(not C)F, By The Time I Get To Arizona, Texas State Armadillos, Yew-tah State, South Alabama Redundancies, COVID-19.

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